What is Your Rut? How Can You Climb Out of It?

An abstract painting by Rosalie Garde.

(First published October 2023)

Throughout my coaching journey, I've had the privilege of listening to numerous stories filled with heartache and confusion. I provided one-on-one coaching sessions over the phone, and I also worked as an online coach with two different organizations. In the latter role, there was no initial prequalification meeting; I would simply respond when my computer rang. Then, I'd embark in a chat messaging session. 

I sincerely hoped and prayed that my skills would prove helpful, and that the person on the other end of the computer chat would be serious and not a troll. Despite the uncertainty, I offered this as a paid service knowing I'd receive compensation regardless of whether they were genuinely seeking help or just looking to joke around.

Also, participating in a now defunct Christian chatline, I often found myself staying up late to mentor those who were going through challenging times. The stories they shared were genuine and filled with tales of abuse, involvement in witchcraft, recovery from abortion, battles with alcoholism, struggles in damaged marriages, financial hardships, dealing with loneliness and health dilemmas, and more.

I understand that overcoming trauma such as these situations can be an arduous journey. It necessitates support and a process of healing. 

Some women experience immediate healing when they turn to their faith in God. However, for many others, the healing journey is a gradual process and a journey of maturity and personal growth.

There are indeed people who find it extremely challenging to begin the healing process because they are still trapped in their trauma. They may be unsure about where to seek help, or they might choose to stay in their familiar but damaging circumstances. It's a complex and deeply personal struggle that many individuals face. It can also be hard to identify what needs to change by yourself. Hearing input from others is valuable. 

The Biblical account in John 5:1-15 is a powerful reminder of the question, "Do you want to get well?"

In this account, Jesus visited a healing pool and saw a man who'd been laying by the pool as an invalid. Jesus asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

That's a question each woman needs to ask herself. And then it's up to her to take one healthy step forward at a time.

 

This was me around age 50. 

I know well, many women contend with legitimate health issues that can be physically and mentally taxing. Chronic fatigue, myalgia, pain, injuries, and depression can be incredibly challenging to manage. However, your journey can include building a support team and seeking guidance from various professionals. I myself went on a journey many times for personal ailments. I'm doing well now. And that is my wish for all women. 

• What needs to change in your life?
• Will that change include new boundary setting?
• What professional may be of help to you right now?
• Are you already on a path to healing and growth? How can you celebrate your mile markers?

 

 

What Annoys You about Your House and Should it?

Since moving here in 2010, there have been many repairs and updates needed to our home. We've replaced some windows and doors. We've redone the back deck. We put a bay window in one room and had a built-in shelf installed. We put up new garage doors. The list is long. I became good at identifying problems and finding solutions. The problem is, all these renovations can overtake my mind. 

Self-improvement shows can be problematic.  I feel pressure to constantly upgrade like I see on TV. I am bombarded on social media. I gain glimpses of my friends' homes and compare mine. Savvy marketing ensures I see lots of home improvement products advertised.  

Another trend is minimalism. Now I am supposed to get rid of things. 

As a result, sometimes my mind races toward what needs to be improved, changed, cleaned, repainted, or let go of. I tend to get bogged down with what is wrong with my house or flooded with feelings I should spend time hunting for things I should get rid of. 

But I don't want to live that way any more. I want to relax and live in our home, accepting it as is, and just be. I want to feel more relaxed in it, not critical of it. 

So I've been declaring a mantra when those home improvement thoughts arise. I say: 

It's good enough. 

God reminds us to be careful of living our life based on someone else's standard--you know that anonymous person you think will show up and judge your home. Matt 6 also gives us this advice 

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:  But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:  For where your treasure is, 

 there will your heart be also."

A 'treasure' can be  our home and its contents, but it can also be thoughts stored in our minds--the things we give our attention to--our attitude toward our possessions or the things we strive to attain (like perfection).

Treasures aren't wrong. God blesses us with good things. And, he asks us to be stewards of what he gives us. We are supposed to take care of things. But we need to be careful about imbalance seeping in. 

Thoughts?

Life is Lived in Seasons

I was going to edit and upload articles from the past I had moved into draft. But I'm feeling less inclined to do so. I have no idea who my readers are these days as I took a long pause from this blog. What I do know is that for me:

• A season has ended

• It does not need to be revisited to validate it

• The next season does not need to be defined yet.

That naturally creates a quieter space. That space sometimes feels to me like I have “nothing to fill the day with,” but it is actually the absence of pressure, not the absence of meaning. One of my daily mottos now is "No Pressure". I give myself the right to say no on many levels. 

I've retired from most of the paid work I'd been doing. I'm receiving my Canada Pension and Old Age Security. What does that tell you? I am already at a stage where I'm called a senior, though I prefer the term "older adult". I'm now a grandmother too, though I prefer the term "Nana". 

Nevertheless, life is lived in seasons, or stages. We do ourselves well to pat ourselves on the back for all we've done through life this far. We don't have to repeat interests, habits, or schedules. We are allowed to rest. And, every day is a new day to start again. 

One of the quiet gifts God gives us—at every stage of life—is the gift of a new day. No matter what yesterday held—regret, fatigue, missed opportunities, or even discouragement—today arrives untouched.

Scripture reminds us: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22–23)

For senior women, this truth carries a special tenderness. We have lived enough years to know that not every season is easy, and not every day goes as planned. Yet God does not ask us to carry yesterday into today. His mercy meets us fresh each morning.

A new day is not about starting over perfectly—it is about starting again faithfully.

We can begin again in small ways:

• A quiet prayer before the day unfolds

• A gentle choice to trust instead of worry

• A willingness to let go of what we cannot change

• A step, however small, toward peace, purpose, or rest

God is not measuring how much we accomplish. He is inviting us to walk with Him each day.

At this life stage, I sense a new season unfolding. I don't know all it will hold, but I am committed to the idea it will include less striving and more being and doing what I see in front of me to do.

Today is enough as it is. 

A Few Tips for Living

Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together… but encouraging one another.”

— Hebrews 10:24–25 (NIV)

(yes, we can meet together online!)

Why is this blog called "Ministry to Women"?

Well, it's not because I'm a formal minister or because it is an attempt to give tips for how to hold church women's ministries programs.

I gave it this name because right from the start I'd hoped my topics would be of help to women in some way.

Ministry to me is helping, serving, caring for, and encouraging.

I read today, we can never learn everything by trial and error, so it is important to learn from others.  That is what I hope happens here--mutual learning and sharing.

Here are a few tidbits I've learned over time that I thought might be helpful to share with you:

1. Care less.  Yes, care about loving God and others, but care less about so many other things in life that are related to worry, possessions, what others think, have said, etc.  Don't care so much for someone that their pain puts you into pain.  
   
   How do you care less?  Give it to God to handle.
   
   
2. Use the word "opportunity" instead of  "problem". Every situation that comes up is an opportunity to make a choice, learn something, try something, take a risk, or even fail.  Even in failing there is growth.  
   
   My car had a broken heater, it became an opportunity to explore new car options. It was an opportunity to ask God what to do about it and watch him work things out.  Seeing problems as opportunities changes thinking.
   
   
3. Trust that God is working.  God does not speak only to you. He speaks to others as well — your husband, your son, your daughter, and the people around you.

   You are not the only one He guides.

   Sometimes the best thing to do is step back, release the need to control, and watch how God works in the lives of others.
   
   

4. Look for Beauty. For years, my work from home has included transcription, freelance writing, and life coaching from a home office. My desk is surrounded by windows, and I often pause to take photos of the outdoors. I especially enjoy the changing views as nature moves through the seasons.

   I try to stop and smell the roses—literally. I have planted rose shrubs in my front garden.

   I keep pretty things in my office to enjoy. I play with colour, changing afghans, silk flowers, and even the placemat on my desk as the mood strikes.

   Beauty makes life more enjoyable.
   
   
   

Over the years I have learned that ministry does not always happen on a stage or through a formal program. Often it happens quietly—through shared experiences, small lessons learned along the way, and words that encourage someone else on their journey. 

Today, meeting together and encouraging one another can also happen through the online Christian community. Though we may be in different homes, cities, or even countries, we can still nurture one another through words, prayers, and shared faith. If even one thought shared here helps another woman worry a little less, trust God a little more, or notice the beauty He places in ordinary days, then this small online space has fulfilled its purpose.

The Pressure to Find Life Purpose or Reinvent Ourselves

For many years I heard a message repeated in Christian circles: that every person has one specific calling they are meant to discover and pursue.

But as time went on, I questioned that theory. It just wasn't true for me. 

I realize now, as I've done more study, that I was caught up in cultural messenging. 

By the late 1990s and early 2000s, a strong message developed in Christian circles, business, leadership, and life-coaching circles: that every person supposedly has one defining mission or “calling.” 

I could see how that idea worked well for certain public figures—entrepreneurs, pastors, authors, founders—usually men with careers. Yes, my husband's calling is clearly to be a geotechnical engineer. But for many of us who chose to be at-home moms, it just didn't apply. 

In my life coach training, one trainer scolded me (it felt like a scolding). She had said to not base my life on a life coaching career. And I broke into tears. I replied, "But this is all I've got." You see, after years of searching for my next thing, I met the founder of a coaching course online and she called me from California to Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada to explain the course to me. I was extatic that God had finally clarified my calling. And so I took life coach training. And speaking with this trainer was a module I was required to take. 

I described to her I'd left the workforce to be a fulltime mom. And whether she thought that was important or not didn't matter to me. It was part of my life calling. There is nothing wrong with spending some time being a fulltime at-home mom. 

Her scolding came in the form of shock that I would not have a job or career alongside being a mom! She then urged me to "get out there" and find a job! 

RETURN TO WORK?

Many women who took time off their career to care for children met with similar circumstances as I did. I was trained as a secretary, a title later changed by workplaces to "Administrative Assistant". 

In the past, we were expected to be highly trusted and expertly trained in computer skills. The role required discretion, organization, communication skills, and loyalty. Multitasking was a huge part of most roles. This career is no longer what it once was. 

As technology changed, many of these positions were reduced, redefined, or spread across multiple roles. Suddenly, my job title was obsolete. Returning to the same type of job later meant such work no longer existed in the same form.

Being a mom is full of special moments!

FOR SOME BUT NOT FOR ALL 

Some people like my spouse have a single visible vocation that runs through their whole life, while others contribute in other ways. I see that my path was one of engaging in patterns of service, reliability, encouragement, organization, and care across many settings in many low pay or volunteer roles. What was always central was whether I'd consulted God or not. All is done in His service, afterall. 

The second pattern of gentle service is a quieter calling, but common. For many people, especially women balancing family and church or community service, life looks more like a series of meaningful roles rather than a single defining platform.

My journey included relocations, family needs, changing seasons, and unexpected opportunities. I served in one place for a while, then another. I didn't put my finger on my big IT. I just served where I could. 

Not every life is meant to be summarized as one mission statement. Some lives are more accurately described as a thread of service woven through many seasons.

Today's Culture

Today’s culture has similar confusing messages to navigate. Today women are often encouraged to “reinvent themselves” in midlife—to launch something new, build a platform, or pursue a visible dream. While those opportunities can be exciting for some, and work out very well, the message can also create a quiet pressure: that if you are not doing something impressive, you may be missing your purpose.

I bought into some of that thinking myself. Creating a website for my coaching, editing, and writing felt satisfying. It gave me something concrete to point to. It helped me feel defined, as if I had finally put a label on what I did.

Yet over time, I realized something important. The website did not really change who I was. It simply organized the small pieces of work I had already been doing.

EXPAND YOUR TERRITORY

Recently I heard singer, Jordan McCullough from American Idol describe his journey in a way that resonated with me. His goal had been to serve as a worship leader in church ministry. When the opportunity for American Idol came along, he said he saw it as a chance to “expand his territory.”

That phrase struck me.

Looking back, I can see that many of the changes in my own life were not about reinventing myself at all. They were simply moments where my territory expanded a little—new experiences, new people, new ways of serving.

Perhaps the question is not always “What impressive thing should I build next?”

Perhaps the real question is “Where is God expanding my territory in this season?”