The Pressure to Find Life Purose or Reinvent Ourselves

For many years I heard a message repeated in Christian circles: that every person has one specific calling they are meant to discover and pursue.

But as time went on, I questioned that theory. It just wasn't true for me. 

I realize now, as I've done more study, that I was caught up in cultural messenging. 

By the late 1990s and early 2000s, a strong message developed in Christian circles, business, leadership, and life-coaching circles: that every person supposedly has one defining mission or “calling.” 

I could see how that idea worked well for certain public figures—entrepreneurs, pastors, authors, founders—usually men with careers. Yes, my husband's calling is clearly to be a geotechnical engineer. But for many of us who chose to be at-home moms, it just didn't apply. 

In my life coach training, one trainer scolded me (it felt like a scolding). She had said to not base my life on a life coaching career. And I broke into tears. I replied, "But this is all I've got." You see, after years of searching for my next thing, I met the founder of a coaching course online and she called me from California to Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada to explain the course to me. I was extatic that God had finally clarified my calling. And so I took life coach training. And speaking with this trainer was a module I was required to take. 

I described to her I'd left the workforce to be a fulltime mom. And whether she thought that was important or not didn't matter to me. It was part of my life calling. There is nothing wrong with spending some time being a fulltime at-home mom. 

Her scolding came in the form of shock that I would not have a job or career alongside being a mom! She then urged me to "get out there" and find a job! 

RETURN TO WORK?

Many women who took time off their career to care for children met with similar circumstances as I did. I was trained as a secretary, a title later changed by workplaces to "Administrative Assistant". 

In the past, we were expected to be highly trusted and expertly trained in computer skills. The role required discretion, organization, communication skills, and loyalty. Multitasking was a huge part of most roles. This career is no longer what it once was. 

As technology changed, many of these positions were reduced, redefined, or spread across multiple roles. Suddenly, my job title was obsolete. Returning to the same type of job later meant such work no longer existed in the same form.

Being a mom is full of special moments!

FOR SOME BUT NOT FOR ALL 

Some people like my spouse have a single visible vocation that runs through their whole life, while others contribute in other ways. I see that my path was one of engaging in patterns of service, reliability, encouragement, organization, and care across many settings in many low pay or volunteer roles. What was always central was whether I'd consulted God or not. All is done in His service, afterall. 

The second pattern of gentle service is a quieter calling, but common. For many people, especially women balancing family and church or community service, life looks more like a series of meaningful roles rather than a single defining platform.

My journey included relocations, family needs, changing seasons, and unexpected opportunities. I served in one place for a while, then another. I didn't put my finger on my big IT. I just served where I could. 

Not every life is meant to be summarized as one mission statement. Some lives are more accurately described as a thread of service woven through many seasons.

Today's Culture

Today’s culture has similar confusing messages to navigate. Today women are often encouraged to “reinvent themselves” in midlife—to launch something new, build a platform, or pursue a visible dream. While those opportunities can be exciting for some, and work out very well, the message can also create a quiet pressure: that if you are not doing something impressive, you may be missing your purpose.

I bought into some of that thinking myself. Creating a website for my coaching, editing, and writing felt satisfying. It gave me something concrete to point to. It helped me feel defined, as if I had finally put a label on what I did.

Yet over time, I realized something important. The website did not really change who I was. It simply organized the small pieces of work I had already been doing.

EXPAND YOUR TERRITORY

Recently I heard singer, Jordan McCullough from American Idol describe his journey in a way that resonated with me. His goal had been to serve as a worship leader in church ministry. When the opportunity for American Idol came along, he said he saw it as a chance to “expand his territory.”

That phrase struck me.

Looking back, I can see that many of the changes in my own life were not about reinventing myself at all. They were simply moments where my territory expanded a little—new experiences, new people, new ways of serving.

Perhaps the question is not always “What impressive thing should I build next?”

Perhaps the real question is “Where is God expanding my territory in this season?”