Body Image - Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) - Making My Weight an Idol

As I've been creating a new blog and sometimes using old photos I had stored in Blogger, I was able to collect a bunch of hairstyles I've had over the last 15 yrs or so. Tell me which one you like best. 

At the time of each of these, since around age 40, I had body dysmorphic disorder due to feeling I was disappointingly overweight. I felt ugly. But I've joined the Health At Every Size (HAES) movement which has significantly helped me come to terms with a new outlook. I look back at these and see how hard on myself I've been. 

Do you go through these types of feelings too? You want to offer yourself grace, but you hate the mirror? And don't even get me started on 'selfies'. The camera is so close for those, I hate every one I have tried. I declare I am not photogenic! (keep scrolling)...

  

   

But I know God would say, "You are beautifully made, my child. Each wrinkle, every change in your appearance tells a story of your life—of the experiences that have shaped you and the love you've shared." 

I know God sees my heart, my kindness, my efforts, and my faithfulness which I hope shine far brighter than my outward appearance. I know I need to give myself grace; I know my worth isn’t defined by a mirror or a photograph. But it is so hard, isn't it?

    

   

It’s natural to struggle with feelings about our appearance, especially as we age, but remember beauty is not solely about looks; it encompasses who we are inside. And at each life stage our worth remains constant.

   

Core Principles of HAES

The Health At Every Size (HAES) movement rejects the traditional focus on weight as the primary measure of health. 

1. Health is Multi-Dimensional: Health encompasses physical, mental, and social well-being, rather than just the absence of disease or the number on a scale.

2. Respect for All Sizes: The movement acknowledges that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that there is no “ideal” body type. We all have our own challenges. 

      

  

3. Focus on Behaviors: HAES promotes engaging in healthy behaviors (like regular physical activity and balanced eating) without the pressure of weight loss. 

4. Intuitive Eating: The movement encourages individuals to listen to their bodies’ hunger and fullness cues, promoting a more natural relationship with food. 

   

5. Challenging Weight Stigma: HAES seeks to combat weight discrimination and stigma, promoting the idea that everyone deserves respect and dignity, regardless of their body size.

6. Self-Compassion and Acceptance: The movement encourages individuals to practice self-compassion and work towards body acceptance, recognizing that self-worth is not tied to appearance.

Now, my problem is: I'm a senior, and my looks are giving way to age. My eyes are getting dull, jowels are increasing, circles under my eyes are darker. I'm still hard on myself. It takes a lot to overcome. I still don't like my reflection in windows or mirrors. I try not to be in any photos. 

I am not there yet! But I have HAES to

 help me re-evaluate my perspective.

My Goals While Adopting the Principles of HAES

I want to be less judgmental of others and myself.

I want to feel better in my body.

I will focus on health over weight.

I will not diet. 

I will priortize well-being and self-care that includes rest.

I will cultivate a positive relationship with food.

I will keep moving for exercise.

I will stop making my weight an idol!

I want to quit being discouraged by how I think I look. 

I want to support others who have similar issues. 

Resources and Organizations

Several organizations and resources promote HAES, including:

• The Association for Size Diversity and Health (ASDAH): This organization provides resources, education, and support for individuals and professionals interested in HAES.
• Books and Authors: There are various books and authors who have contributed to the HAES movement, such as Linda Bacon, the author of Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight.

Are there Simply Too Many Church Options?

A Mennonite Church

Are there Simply Too Many Options?

Much like the overwhelming selection of 100 to 200 cereal options in a grocery store, the variety of church styles today is vast. When there was just one community church, it served as a central hub for worship, social life, and support, fostering a sense of unity and shared purpose. Now, with so many churches offering different styles of worship, doctrines, and approaches to community life, it can lead to fragmentation.

This diversity likely stems from the desire to cater to different preferences and spiritual needs. While I won’t delve into the history of how each denomination or individual church formed its unique format, I will say that my husband and I have visited many different types of churches over the years and now have a few thoughts and opinions about them.

(We job transferred three times and in each new location, we visited a number of churches before choosing one.)

We all worship the same God, but do it differently.  Of course, what matters are the basics. But atmosphere matters too.

As I lay in bed last night mulling over this topic, I reflected on a number of church settings I've visited:

1. Church plant using a school auditorium: (We visited more than one of these). 

My be hot without air conditioning, uncomfortable chairs, and strange acoustics. Heavy reliance on parishioners to set up, tear down, and help with childcare or teaching. There’s constant pastoral pressure for more involvement and outreach, making it feel temporary.

2. Church in large facility: 

Generally a very nice space with rooms for every activity. Still some pressure to volunteer. Cliques form between long-time members and newcomers, making it hard to connect. While it feels like a proper church, the larger crowd can leave you feeling like a spectator, unsure how to meet people or fit in.

3. Church in a movie theatre (with or without popcorn): Not a feeling of full church experience. Feels temporary. Fun for a while. 

4. Church startup in shared facility: Feels copycat. Often use same format as larger churches ie. standard worship team approach. Same popular worship songs. Full church feeling not possible. Pressure for outreach, giving, participation. (There will be no Cubbie Bear club in this church as my son participated in when he was five.) 

5. Church in a commercial building with satellite feed but on-campus worship team: Feels like something's missing in the full church experience. People don't inteact which is okay for introverts who just want to sit in church. 

Spectator feeling. Unsure how engagement works. Offputting when someone from the main campus talks about activities there when you never plan to attend the main campus yourself. I was asked, "Are you a Creeker?" (Church was named Creekside.) I didn't know how to answer. 

6. Church in large renovated facility from the same denomination you were brought up in and found to be legalistic: 

Since you know the kind of thinking of some of these people, you fear getting to know these people. You wonder if the same old beliefs are there hidden by the new makeover.

7. Old church building: You can't help but smell old person on the cushioned seats and you wonder how often they're cleaned. You hear creaky floors. It's all new to you so you're skeptical. The music drags and the music is a little off key and uninspiring.

8. Small church meeting in rented facility: This church may have moved around a bit trying to find home. Interaction is good as prayer requests are taken from those seated. Intimate, but too intimate for some who are unsure of their commitment. 

________________________

Valid considerations:

Believe it or not, I’ve experienced every type of church described above. Choosing a church can be complicated. What should we look for? Most churches preach the Word, and if they don’t, we’d spot that quickly and move on. But the way the message is delivered can vary—some are more historical, others focus on life application, some are entertaining, while others are more conversational. And, though atmosphere isn’t everything, it definitely plays a role.

When there are many church options available, people might feel less inclined to commit to a single congregation. Instead, they might move from one church to another based on preferences like worship style, preaching, programs, or even social connections. Some research polls I came across recently mentioned some people attend more than one church regularly. I'm not against this buffet style of faith practice, I just wonder which church gets to count you in its attendance tallies? And, this kind of transient engagement may weaken the overall sense of belonging and accountability in church communities. 

Aging Out 

The church we switched to in Winnipeg was marketed as being for the under-40 crowd. It wasn’t designed to attract people like my husband and me, who had been Christians for years and were nearing 50. We often felt like the older ones in the room, unsure of where we fit. We liked the conversational style of delivery by the pastor and unique inventions such as having coffee time half way through the hour and having something called church in the round where seating was put in circular form.

I might have been 50 here. 

Attending this church until we moved again, we did wonder—where do people in their 50s go when they age out of these youthful churches?

In the subsequent churches we visited, it was much the same. The focus seemed to be on young families. I found myself longing to reconnect with those I grew up with in my youth group—people my age now. Where were they? Why do we seem to become irrelevant after 55?

Now, let me share another story. After our move, I had to rebuild again. Craving connection, I joined a daytime ladies' group at the Pentecostal church we chose. There were three study topics, and I chose one on friendships, thinking, ‘This is my chance to meet some new friends.'

By then, I was in my early 50s, and I sat eagerly waiting for the chairs to fill up. But one by one, women much older than me started arriving, most with silver hair. I was taken aback, feeling disappointed by the age gap. It wasn’t the connection I had hoped for—I had wanted to meet women closer to my age, but instead, I found myself in a room full of grandmothers.

Me around age 58.

Boomers Backing Out

Yes, I'm a boomer. Last night I read an article saying boomers are the highest group backing out of church over the last few years. It was eye-opening to read cause here I thought I was the only rebellious one stepping back. 

The articles offered many reasons for this trend, but my guess is that boomers are simply tired. I've held over 25 different volunteer roles in the church over the years. I was a young adult leader, a nursery worker,  Sunday School teacher, a Bible study leader, a home group host, the list goes on. 

Boomers raised our kids in the church, and now that they’ve grown, they’re forging their own spiritual paths. Many are no longer involved in church in the same ways we were taught to expect, despite the adage about training a child in the way they should go to prevent them from straying.

Some of us have health challenges, as I've mentioned. Some are invisible illnesses such as fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and more. 

But mostly, those of us who have been in church a long time, have heard it all. It's all repeat to use. 

A stop along the way of our third move.

Others Have their Own Feelings

I came across a comment on a blog about this topic from a 70-year-old man who expressed his discomfort with worship leaders wearing torn jeans and sneakers while jumping around on stage like it’s a rock concert. Although he enjoyed band concerts in his youth, he felt this approach was disrespectful. For many, there’s a sense of sacredness associated with church; many my age long for transcendence in our worship experience. And, as another person commented, we aren't into what my mom called 7/11 worship songs--singing the same seven words eleven times.

More recently, a church startup trying to mimic other churches has employed inexperienced musicians and off-key singers as their worship team. Instead of leading shorter songs, they play worship anthems—tracks from popular Christian music you might hear on the radio. For many of us, this music feels new; the lyrics are unfamiliar, and the songs often drag on for too long because the original track is playing in the background. Some just stand there waiting for the painful music time to finish. Others only show up after the worship music segment has finished. 

What Next?

I know that God has told me not to sweat the small stuff, not to feel guilty if I need to miss church. And, God has told me it's okay to not know what is next in my spiritual journey.

He has urged me to cultivate my own spiritual growth, stay connected online with others, to pray, and to be the church where and when I can. 

Are Church Pews in Your City Full?

Used to be a church.
Is now a community centre.

We've all been on a wild ride lately. I've stayed tuned to hurricane updates twice now with Helene and Milton. The disaster photos, and photos of needed clean up later is so hard to watch. Hearing about loss of life is dreadful. 

I live in Ontario, Canada, and today October 8, 2024, we are having our own tropical storm--a mix of on again, off again rain, and hail. 

I've also been on a wild ride where my feelings go while reading a book I've been blogging about. I encourge you to check out the posts on this new blog which are conveniently numbered as I attempt to write in a bit of order as I go through the book and process my thoughts. 

I picked up this book because I keep hearing that church attendance in North America is dwindling. I've tuned into some online church services and seen empty pews too. 

My Story

My husband and I have been spotty in our church attendance. I write some of the reason in the new blog. I attribute it to me trying to manage my increased Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Just showering, some days, is exhausting. 

You could say I can't get up to be at church for 10 or 11 am due to ME/CFS, or you could say I'm chosing not to. Not every day is the same.  I do have spurts of energy. My ME/CFS is in the mild to moderate range. I am not bedbound. 

Backing away from in-person church attendance isn't just a personal choice for my husband and me; it's happening across many denominations and locations. I'm on a journey to uncover the reasons behind this trend and explore how churches are planning to address it. This is also a personal pilgrimage, as I'm searching for what will work best for us personally, moving forward.

One issue I've noticed is that every church in our area holds services at times like 9:30, 10:00, or 11:00 AM. For those dealing with chronic illness or reversed circadian rhythms, this poses a real challenge. I first noticed this with older teens and university students who struggled to get up for Sunday services. I wondered what shift workers do to get to church. This makes me wonder: 'Why aren't there more options?' 

Troubling Trends 

Much of the world took to online interaction during the pandemic. Many still work from home. In person business meetings are rare saving the cost of flights and hotel stays. Office space can be reduced as more professionals work remotely. 

Perhaps the rise in online church broadcasts plays a role in the decline of in-person church attendance. It’s certainly easier to enjoy a coffee in your pajamas while watching from home, and you don't even have to tune in live—you can catch the service whenever it’s convenient.

These are all valid reasons for the decline in church attendance. But the book highlights more troubling thoughts. Many adults are now questioning or rethinking what they truly believe, even challenging the role of rituals. 

Historically, much to pastors' chagrin, people have asked, 'What’s in it for me?'—and that hasn't changed. Now parishioners are asking, "What will it cost me in time and energy?" 

Some people openly admit they now question whether they want to return to church and be around others whose views they feel are fundamentally different from their own on many levels. It’s a dilemma that I think many are quietly wrestling with. 

They are also asking if the Christians they once knew are people they even want to associate with. I've noticed a real divide in people, especially during COVID. Some were staunchly anti-mask, questioning whether churches should even shut down, while others abided by imposed rules. Some pastors lost their lives due to Covid due to their stubborness. Churches have been fined. 

This divide extends beyond just public health views—it raised deeper questions about values and who we feel comfortable sharing spiritual space with. And in the US, politics has carved an even deeper chasm.

Questions to Ask

All this aside, perhaps, the more important questions should be, 'How can I best keep my relationship with Jesus/God renewed and refreshed? Where, how, and when can I nurture my soul? Is a church service on Sunday the best way to do that? What does God want me to do?

A New Season, A New Blog

I'm excited to announce the launch of yet another blog! 

I considered adding the new posts here to save time, but after some prayer and a timely email I received, I felt led to create a dedicated space on a new Blogger platform. This new blog dives into the growing conversation around the deconstruction of Christian faith. If you're curious about why church pews are becoming emptier, why your own desire to attend in person might be fading, or what others are doing in response, I invite you to tune in and explore these topics with me.

The new blog is here

Reporting on Visitor's Stats and Thank You to Readers

Ruthven

Before I write a new post on a new theme, I thought I'd pause to say thank you to all who have visited this blog. I've kept it up because it still gets 'views'. And, it's a great place for me to express myself. 

Here are the latests stats. And this is only from 2011. (I started this blog around 2008 and rebooted it in 2011.)

Back in the early days, I had access to more analytics Blogger offered with the simple click of a link. I was able to see what visitors had typed into the search bar to arrive here. I was able to see what part of the world visitors were from. That gave me insight into what topics to study and write on. But as blogger evolved, the tool was changed and tracking analytics became complicated. So now, I can only guess how visitors arrived here and from where. 

The world has become self-serve. The makers of these apps seem to assume everyone is a tech guru. I'm just not that interested in learning more technical stuff these days! So I will enjoy what I do have access to and understand and pray no more big changes are made to Blogger. 

I've seen this blog grow and evolve since 2008 as I've ploded along on my own evolving faith journey. The journey of writing posts has been a rewarding one--my own little place on the Internet where I can attempt to encourage women. My hidde ministry.

I've had seasons of not adding to the blog. The pandemic was part of that. The special project I got involved with in 2021 was part of that. The brain fog from #CFS has added to it. I've contemplated packing it up. I've asked God for insight. The fact that the blog still gets views after all this time is a reminder of why I continue. 

It’s not just the numbers I'm grateful for, I'm grateful for the personal space it offers me to reflect and express myself and to share about the new things I've learned.

Your support means a lot and has kept me going!