Peace, Pacing, and Patience

 

Peace, Pacing, and Patience 

I'm in a good place. Over the last two years, I've seen new patterns unfold that have given me a sense of control over my life. And when I feel a sense of control, I often feel more at peace. 

I've set up systems that work for us in the home we are in. I know what I need to pay attention to, especially where it relates to my chronic fatigue and pain issues too. I've become more patient. 

The lessons learned while dealing with fatigue and pain flares has helped me with the rest of life in really good ways in that I've given myself permission to rest, to order online, to leave things for later, to back off solving others' problems, and so on. 

Dealing with new chronic fatigue has come at a cost as well. I'm not my old self. I'm restricted. I am jealous of seeing others thriving. I wonder about the use of setting goals when every day is so unpredictable. 

PACE YOURSELF 

A positive lesson I've learned is that I need to pace myself in all life areas.

Most of us have only so much energy in a day. Healthy individuals over 65 might still be able to scale hills and valleys, follow that with dinner with friends, and then go bowling at night. I can't do that. I celebrate you if you can still do that amount of activity. And I grieve that I can't. If I overdo it, I get what is called Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), which may arrive during activity or 24 to 48 hours afterward. Unfortunately, I have had to discover my limits by trial and error.  Do you find you have new limits in this later life phase?

For some, needing more rest is just part of aging. For others, it is metabolic. Exceeding my personal energy window can result in experiencing hours or days spent in bed recovering. I sleep a lot. Think of my recovery as though you're charging a phone or other device. Some of us need several recharges, yet never recharge back to 100%. 

In order to have my best quality of life, pacing and respecting my body's cues is essential. 

You may be healthy and unable to relate to what I've written, but I do believe pacing is helpful for everyone in retirement. Why? Because we are usually so hard on ourselves. We think we should still be able to do everything we use do to ourselves. We don't want to fall into anyone else's shadow. We don't want to feel embarrassed or guilty about what we can't do. Those are a lot of the emotions I've dealt with and learned to let go of. It takes time to change thinking, to accept limitations, and to give yourself new permissions. 

Pacing your energy is an act of good stewardship over the body God has given you. I believe we should respect our human limitations rather than pushing past them. 

Rest is Sacred 

Jesus modeled pacing by regularly withdrawing to quiet places to rest and recharge. He also invites the weary to find rest in Him. This might look like becoming more prayerful or meditative. Laying down burdens in Christ involves a conscious act of surrender, trust, and prayer, recognizing that you don't have to carry life's stresses alone. It's a process of actively releasing your worries and anxieties to God.

I once participated in a Reddit community for those of Christian faith dealing with ME/CFS. My biggest issue is the need to nap. I've often felt it is a useless waste of time. But I felt blessed when one Reddit user pointed out that our time of rest in bed can be considered sacred. I have felt that way myself at times.

EVOLVING WOMEN - A New Life Season: Faith, Aging, Boundaries, and Finding the Path Forward

 

A New Life Season: Faith, Aging, Boundaries, and Finding the Path Forward

It's been a few months since I've written here. Life has continued, of course, but lately I've found myself thinking about what it means to live well in this season as an older woman in my 60s. And the writer in me always wants to share my discoveries with others. So here we are. 

I'm retired now. I worked as a freelance writer for pay for years, sometimes working on inspiring long-term projects. I decided to put down writing for pay during the pandemic when I saw a shift in the market. A continuous project I was on was cancelled.

Though retired from daily writing projects, I haven't retired from thinking, learning, creating, or occasionally taking on more than I should. I haven't quit looking after my home, property, and extensive garden. I have continued to have a very active online social life.

But I have made my life smaller. Some changes are by choice. Others are due to dealing with health issues.

Finding a Pattern

After some ups and downs and changes of seasons, I finally feel I have created a pattern of living that works for me. I have gone through testing phases both socially and medically. Remarkably, managing predominant health issues has helped me develop new rules for living. They aren't for everyone, but they may be helpful to a few. I will share my "management plan" in posts ahead.

Your Job

First, let me address the life phase of being without a paid job. A paid job brought a sense of responsibility and routine to life for many. But some I've crossed paths with at my age have expressed that they're tired too, even if they don't have a chronic illness. They are glad not to have a job. So the question is often asked, "Who am I without a job?" and my answer is that our job is often detailed by the mundane tasks before us.

Once we no longer have a "job," we might feel a loss of identity. But this much is true: even after formal retirement, our purpose in God's kingdom remains consistent. We are not done!

Paul reminds us in Colossians 3:23-24 (BSB), "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ."

What Might Your Job Look Like?

I "report for work" in the morning much later than you might. (I don't do well with early starts.) I may report for work at 10:30 or 11:00. The time doesn't really matter because I'm retired.

I am not given a paycheque for the hours I spend at my new "job." Nevertheless, there is a pattern to my days that is essential to my own unique life purpose.

Once I considered all I do for managing my household as a job, my perspective shifted in a good way. 

I carry out a simple morning routine and then settle at my computer desk with my coffee to start "work." I scan my emails, my calendar, check the bank account, pay bills, order supplies, contact contractors, and research products and solutions. I order food, book appointments, and update my calendar with mundane things like "change the bedsheets", "change the furnace filter", "give the cats their medication", "return Amazon package", "water plants"...

When weather is agreeable, I try to get outdoors by a certain time of day, allotting myself two hours to weed the garden, go for a short walk, or just tinker tidying up the yard. Those items matter too. 

God's Direction for "The Tasks in Front of Us"

Some women continue to run a business from home or sign on to volunteer in the community. But for most, our job is revealed in the daily, seemingly small tasks right in front of us. Use the Proverbs 31 woman as an example. She didn't sit down and grow old. She continued to use her intellect and business savvy to be a shining star.

Our new job becomes being faithful stewards of what we've been given to manage. Hopefully, we find our list lighter than when we were working women or mothers of young children. Each task we do with a heart submitted to God becomes part of His divine work, even now, later in life.

We may not see tangible fruit from our labour. There is no paycheque, but we are storing up treasure in heaven. God knows and He cares.

Party Followup - Me and ME/CFS

I recently decided to revisit some of my older posts and give them a light edit. Yes, I’ve been a paid content writer for many years. And no, what you read here may not reflect the polished, multi-draft work I once submitted to professional editors. If that sounds like a disclaimer, it is. 

At times, I’m surprised by the errors and the rough structure I find here. But I’ve come to see this space differently. A blog, for me, is less about perfection and more about honesty. These posts don’t go through multiple revisions or an editorial team. They are written in real time, as I am living and learning. They are often published the same day I write them.

Managing ME/CFS has meant adjusting my expectations even further. Brain fog is real, and it’s one of the reasons I’ve stepped away from paid writing. Still, the instinct to write remains. Writers must write.

So this is where I continue—sharing updates as I’m able, refining when I can, and allowing the words to come as they may.

Post Summer Party Report

I re-read a post about planning a backyard party in 2024 against my better judgment. 

I didn't want to disappoint my husband who suggested the event. I wanted our adult children to see some of their extended family. I tried to simplify the menu and routine, give explicit instructions to the guests, write myself a schedule, and pace myself. 

I framed it as a test I was to walk through. 

Now for the honest report.

It was a disaster for my health.

On paper, it looked manageable: buffet-style, food kept warm. I'd even splurged on a 3-pot warmer set. Guests would be arriving between 1 and 5 p.m. But the reality is, the timing shifted! Early guests cancelled! Swimmers arrived hungry. Out-of-town family didn’t appear until much later. Before I knew it, my head was spinning--exactly what I didn't want to happen. 

I had tried to accommodate dietary preferences, which added complexity to what was already meant to be simple. When the final dish didn’t cooperate and appliances failed, I found myself scrambling.

There’s a particular pressure that comes when people are hungry and looking at you for answers. I heard lots of, "I thought you said..."

Was I really being called on to explain myself? 

With arrival times constantly shifting, ravioli not cooking through fast enough, extension cords not working, my ire was up! Add in, me trying to act as both maître d’ and hostess while staying within my physical limits, the strain compounded quickly.

The result wasn’t just a stressful afternoon. It was a physical crash that lasted at least a week. The kind of Post Exertional Malaise (PEM) that reminds me, firmly, that good intentions do not override chronic illness. 

A week later, I was mostly bedridden. Completely depleted.

This blog post isn’t written to assign fault. I'm an overthinker and worried I'd failed. I wanted everyone to have a nice time. I got no feedback. Not one "thank you for having us." So the PEM I had to deal with was not worth it at all! 

What I got was creamed. I faced the reality of living with ME/CFS. If I host, cook and try to adapt, there is a margin I must respect. When I cross it, my body knows. I pay a price. 

I went into hosting this party believing perhaps God was testing me—that with His guidance I could pull it off. I plunged ahead, which is exactly what those of us with ME/CFS are cautioned not to do. Push through. Override the signals. Trust adrenaline.

I had prayed. I asked the Lord for wisdom, for simplicity, for help in the planning. But prayer is not a substitute for the physical boundaries He has written into my body at this life stage. No amount of careful preparation—or sincere desire to serve—can erase the cost of overextension.

And so the lesson became clearer than the menu plan ever was: it is time to lay down hosting large gatherings.

I recall my own mom layed down hosting the entire extended family when she was about my age too. Now I see why. And I've stuck to this new rule I've made for myself more or less over the last couple of years.

What is Your Rut? How Can You Climb Out of It?

An abstract painting by Rosalie Garde.

(First published October 2023)

Throughout my coaching journey, I've had the privilege of listening to numerous stories filled with heartache and confusion. I provided one-on-one coaching sessions over the phone, and I also worked as an online coach with two different organizations. In the latter role, there was no initial prequalification meeting; I would simply respond when my computer rang. Then, I'd embark in a chat messaging session. 

I sincerely hoped and prayed that my skills would prove helpful, and that the person on the other end of the computer chat would be serious and not a troll. Despite the uncertainty, I offered this as a paid service knowing I'd receive compensation regardless of whether they were genuinely seeking help or just looking to joke around.

Also, participating in a now defunct Christian chatline, I often found myself staying up late to mentor those who were going through challenging times. The stories they shared were genuine and filled with tales of abuse, involvement in witchcraft, recovery from abortion, battles with alcoholism, struggles in damaged marriages, financial hardships, dealing with loneliness and health dilemmas, and more.

I understand that overcoming trauma such as these situations can be an arduous journey. It necessitates support and a process of healing. 

Some women experience immediate healing when they turn to their faith in God. However, for many others, the healing journey is a gradual process and a journey of maturity and personal growth.

There are indeed people who find it extremely challenging to begin the healing process because they are still trapped in their trauma. They may be unsure about where to seek help, or they might choose to stay in their familiar but damaging circumstances. It's a complex and deeply personal struggle that many individuals face. It can also be hard to identify what needs to change by yourself. Hearing input from others is valuable. 

The Biblical account in John 5:1-15 is a powerful reminder of the question, "Do you want to get well?"

In this account, Jesus visited a healing pool and saw a man who'd been laying by the pool as an invalid. Jesus asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

That's a question each woman needs to ask herself. And then it's up to her to take one healthy step forward at a time.

 

This was me around age 50. 

I know well, many women contend with legitimate health issues that can be physically and mentally taxing. Chronic fatigue, myalgia, pain, injuries, and depression can be incredibly challenging to manage. However, your journey can include building a support team and seeking guidance from various professionals. I myself went on a journey many times for personal ailments. I'm doing well now. And that is my wish for all women. 

• What needs to change in your life?
• Will that change include new boundary setting?
• What professional may be of help to you right now?
• Are you already on a path to healing and growth? How can you celebrate your mile markers?

 

 

What Annoys You about Your House and Should it?

Since moving here in 2010, there have been many repairs and updates needed to our home. We've replaced some windows and doors. We've redone the back deck. We put a bay window in one room and had a built-in shelf installed. We put up new garage doors. The list is long. I became good at identifying problems and finding solutions. The problem is, all these renovations can overtake my mind. 

Self-improvement shows can be problematic.  I feel pressure to constantly upgrade like I see on TV. I am bombarded on social media. I gain glimpses of my friends' homes and compare mine. Savvy marketing ensures I see lots of home improvement products advertised.  

Another trend is minimalism. Now I am supposed to get rid of things. 

As a result, sometimes my mind races toward what needs to be improved, changed, cleaned, repainted, or let go of. I tend to get bogged down with what is wrong with my house or flooded with feelings I should spend time hunting for things I should get rid of. 

But I don't want to live that way any more. I want to relax and live in our home, accepting it as is, and just be. I want to feel more relaxed in it, not critical of it. 

So I've been declaring a mantra when those home improvement thoughts arise. I say: 

It's good enough. 

God reminds us to be careful of living our life based on someone else's standard--you know that anonymous person you think will show up and judge your home. Matt 6 also gives us this advice 

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:  But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:  For where your treasure is, 

 there will your heart be also."

A 'treasure' can be  our home and its contents, but it can also be thoughts stored in our minds--the things we give our attention to--our attitude toward our possessions or the things we strive to attain (like perfection).

Treasures aren't wrong. God blesses us with good things. And, he asks us to be stewards of what he gives us. We are supposed to take care of things. But we need to be careful about imbalance seeping in. 

Thoughts?