Unfortunate Abuser Protection Tactics Used in the Church

The church is being sifted it seems. I follow numerous USA accounts on 'X' (formerly Twitter) and am shocked by the recent surge in reports exposing various forms of abuse within the church. Some instances date back years, only now coming to light. The range of abuses includes pedophilia, sexual abuse, abuse of power, financial exploitation, and more.

Lori Adams-Brown, Podcast Host & Exec Producer posted an inciteful thread on her X account on February 2, 2024, calling out tactics used by what she calls predapastors to gaslight or silence followers.

Adams-Brown's thread is incredibly significant and warrants sharing. It's crucial to pay close attention and assess whether you might be in an environment that exhibits such concerning traits within the church you frequent.

Adams-Brown says, "Predapastors groom their congregations so when their abuse is exposed and/or they are arrested for their crimes, the congregation knows exactly what to say to control the narrative, silence whistleblowers, and rally behind the abusive pastor. 

"I hear these things often:

1. “We are praying for the pastor.” (This centers on the abuser, not the victims.)

2. “There are people out to get him.” (#DARVO 2 make u believe the abuser is a victim)

3. “The accuser is trying to use this to build their career.” (This is an easy sell if the accuser is a woman.)"

(Break here to give readers the definition of #DARVO:

#DARVO

Deny

Attack

Reverse the roles of

Victim & Offender

A tactic used to avoid taking responsibility & shifting blame onto their victim.)

Adams-Brown goes on,

4. “God has forgiven the pastor.” (Implying you should also forgive, forget and be business as usual too.) 

5. “God has big plans for the pastor.” (Grandiosity to distract from abuse.) 

6. “Who among us hasn’t sinned?” (Downplaying abuse/crime.) 

7. “We shouldn’t judge.” (#DARVO)

8. “We need to be unified.” (Culty language not to unify around the victim, but around abuser, intended to silence #whistleblowers.)

9. “Spiritual warfare,” or “God wants to do big things, and it needs to start with us.” (Using fear to imply you are on the wrong side if u speak.)

10. “We have to change this way of thinking that is judgmental.” (Get in line, and don’t talk about Bruno.)

11. “We are no one. The only one who can judge is God.” (Worm theology.)"

An added post from X user Joan,

"12. There are still good things happening here. People are getting saved. Look at the bigger picture. This is just the work of the enemy going after our church because we are doing such a good work."

These are good cautions for us all. Let us be vigilant and discerning in our faith communities. The revelations surfacing demand our attention and call for collective introspection. 

May this awareness prompt us to foster environments of transparency, accountability, and support within our churches. Together, let's strive for a community that stands against any form of abuse, ensuring the well-being of all its members.

I was reviewing an old blog post and decided to reprint much of it here. 

In a previous year, I received this book, 

Divine And Perfect Order, A Companion Journal: 

52 Simple Truths, Simple Tools & Simple Words of 

Wisdom for Your Life

bySusan Day

as a Christmas present (from myself). Yes, I often wrap things up and put them under the tree for myself to open on Christmas day. When I was handed this particular book to unwrap, I had actually forgotten about it, so it was a pleasant surprise!

I was immediately impressed with the layout. Before gift-giving continued I was already immersed in reading Susan's heartfelt introduction.  

At first glance, the lessons may seem simple, as they are truths that I already know. It can be tempting to quickly read through the book since it is short and concise, but instead, I have chosen to pause and re-read each chapter repeatedly. I've glanced at the first four chapters and each time I've re-read them I've been challenged.

Divine and Perfect Order (DAPO) is like a cross between a devotional and a journal. The author reminds us that nothing catches God by surprise, and we are never alone in this journey... "Everything is DAPO." (Divine and Perfect Order.) 

Each section includes thoughts to reflect on, scripture, a simple tool to use, action steps to take, and a place for journalling. Susan suggests, as a child of God, everything is happening in your life, when and how it is meant to. It is a good tool for building your faith.

A Few Questions Posed 

The first chapter asks us to list examples of synchronicity that have defied explanation in our lives. I have had many of those moments this past year and even recently. Have you?

I'm comforted by the truth that God is in control and I'm intrigued with what Susan has written. I'm captivated by the idea that the clarity and peace I seek might be behind a door I didn't think to open. Now my mind is scurrying to think of what door I might not have opened.  Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

I'm also intrigued by the sentence that says God has the answer to the question I've been asking.  That made me think of how many questions I ask God, myself, my cat, dog, husband, or other person in a day. I realize God wants to help answer all my questions.  

If you are interested in obtaining this book, you can find buying information here and in Canada, here. 

(note the shipping charges)

  

We Resist Waiting, But It May be God's Plan for Us

I recently posted this article on a desire to find life purpose (knowing how to invest myself) and balance once again. I ended the article by pointing out that life is full of ongoing change, and ultimately, leading a purposeful life revolves around maintaining hope in God.

God will lead us where he wants us next, in due time. That means, instead of striving to find that next thing, we can focus on what is in front of us while listening to his still small voice.

I admit, at the time I wrote that article, I was in a mood where I didn't feel I was doing enough. Christmas had passed. The calendar had turned. I felt overcome by the darkness of winter. But no matter what I might try, I could not bring on spring or a fabulous new revelation. I'd have to wait. 

In moments of processing feelings like this, it's easy to mistake anxious thoughts for reality. There are so many online articles, guru posts, and books that lead us to believe we should constantly be busy, that we should get out of our comfort zone, and that we need to fix ourselves. But we need to be mindful that some feelings are merely passing mental constructs. We don't always have to be attempting to improve ourselves!

Rest, Restoration, and Hibernation

What if God has called us to a season of rest and restoration?

Back in September while seeking God's leading, I was given a plan. He said to be a REBEL - to rest, recover, restore, and just be (for a season). I had embraced the term "semi-retired" to ease into a more relaxed life phase. But God didn't tell me how long to stay in this relaxed phase and I was getting fidgety.

Breakdown of what 'Be a Rebel' means.

I joked at times that I was hibernating since it's winter right now. When humans refer to themselves as "hibernating", they typically mean taking a break and preferring to engage in less strenuous or demanding activities for a certain period. The goal is to take time for rest, recuperation, and reflection.

This is true for many who live in a four-season climate. I work hard physically during spring, summer, and fall, caring for my yard and gardens. By November, I'm ready for downtime.

Many women take January to re-evaluate life and make plans for going forward. And there is nothing wrong with temporarily slowing down and taking a break from the usual hustle and bustle.

Where Does Restlessness Fit In?

But we are a people of forward movement. So it makes sense that with the turn of the calendar, I would go into evaluation mode.

Our pastor asked us to spend January fasting and praying. I decided on a spiritual practice of praying in the sauna at my massage therapist's spa once weekly for 30 minutes. With the first session, I became very aware of my inability to sit still to concentrate. I constantly had to redirect my focus back to the present. This revelation was glaring. I asked: Could this be how I am in everyday life? Always distracted? Years ago, my mother-in-law had said, "You never sit still". Perhaps she knew more about me than I knew about myself.

It was a good lesson to learn!

Back to the Restless Moods of Women

Feeling restless and determined to take action can sometimes lead to positive results. At other times, it can cause negative feelings such as self-loathing, depression, and overthinking.

The feeling of chronic restlessness might be based on the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) on our best life which is fear-based which is never good.

The website Got Questions: Your Questions. Biblical Answers says this about restlessness:

"Restlessness has been a part of human experience since civilization began. Part of God’s curse on Cain for murdering his brother Abel was this: “You will be a restless wanderer on the earth” (Genesis 4:12). Cain would never find rest and peace in any one place."

"The psalmist describes his restlessness like this: “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me?” (Psalm 42:11)"

And so, in my restlessness, I scoured the Internet for new activities I could get involved in. In so doing, I met many blockages and also had a check in my spirit about one involvement. Then both my husband and I began having car troubles--the batteries in each vehicle were dying every couple of days. One event required we call a tow truck in -25 C weather.

The decision was made--until we had our batteries replaced, I would stay home except to go for walks. I was forced back into my comfort zone.

And that is sometimes how God works allowing external circumstances to hem us in.

I decided my time of hibernation is not over. And that's okay. Being okay with where we are is actually a cure for restlessness.

One of the most memorable statements in Scripture on this theme is when the Apostle Paul said,“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation“ (Philippians 4:12).

Life is Not Easy, Finding Life Purpose and Balance is Just as Complex in These Times

The pandemic taught us many things. A few things I've learned include:

• The pandemic was/is not easily solvable.
  
  
• People are divided and sometimes nasty.
  
  
• The pandemic was/is bigger than us which proved, yet again, why we need to rely on God who is also bigger than us. 

We are in a post-pandemic era now in 2024, and many of us are having to rebuild our relationships and some, our careers. The world changed and is not finished shifting. Just today I heard of another shop closing due to low in-person customer traffic. 

Many of us are ordering online and thus in-person shopping has taken a hit.  That affects minimum wage part-time jobs for young people and business owners are struggling.

My Semi-Retirement

I decided to call myself semi-retired when I lost writing motivation during the pandemic. A paid writing job I had fizzled out and writers on the team were told the project had been stopped. I'd been writing furniture descriptions for a store, and I suspect they were finding sales a challenge. Other small businesses that used to buy my articles through content supplier Constant-Content faced challenges too resulting in fewer article sales (at least from my inventory). 

Churches in my city and elsewhere have amalgamated since church attendance and financial giving has dropped. Many individuals have reexamined their faith and are moving away from organized religious practices. 

My Social Network

As I've sought to restart my social network, I've hit a lot of brick walls. Covid is still an issue in various parts of the world and I'm now in the higher risk age and health range so I'm careful even now but am getting out more.

My husband has been working from home since 2020. It's been challenging to be around each other so much, but in other ways, it's been helpful to have him home. 

My craving to be part of in-person events, even if I wore a mask, came to a head in April 2022. My husband and I joined a twelve-week in-person diabetes workshop with real live people! It was perfect timing for us before we went completely mad. But I didn't make any new long-term connections there. I still need to build a social life. 

I've recently looked for other in-person events to attend locally and found many organizations are still doing their events online. 

PEOPLE ARE ISOLATED AND LONELY. 

(Do I speak for myself?)

Does any of the above describe where you're at? 

I embraced the semi-retired label to alleviate the disappointment and guilt associated with the absence of article sales or daily work commitments. It allowed me to grant myself permission to ease off the constant pursuit of goals.

But, while I find myself at the age when many people retire, the void has become noticeable, particularly with the onset of winter. Now, my focus is not just on rediscovering life purpose but, more importantly, on achieving a harmonious life balance.

Life Balance and Life Purpose

At times, it is difficult to find life balance. Are you in that spot?

Life purpose and life balance are interconnected aspects of overall well-being, and finding harmony between the two can lead to a more fulfilling and sustainable life (or so the experts say). And that's important because Jesus came to give us life more abundant. We are his hands and feet, so it makes sense we find the right balance so we can live out our purpose with sustained dedication.

Life purpose often extends beyond career or personal achievements. It encompasses our relationships, health, personal growth, spiritual growth, and contributions to the community.

I can tell you from experience you will never find one big purpose in life that never changes. And, your social groups will change. Life is full of starts, excitement, pauses, lulls, seasons, joy, grief, and transitions.

Ultimately, leading a purposeful life revolves around maintaining a sense of hope. Hope that God will lead you where he wants you in ways that fill the voids in your life in due time.

So instead of looking for a role or title, look for the hand of God and renew your hope in the everyday events of life.

Clinging to the belief that God has a specific plan for your life, as assured by Jeremiah 29:11 in the Bible, will help you navigate both the challenging days of uncertainty and, subsequently, the demanding days when a specific task, challenge, or opportunity is set before you. Stay addicted to hope in God! Be patient in the waiting room.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jer 29:00 (NIV).

A Self-Coaching Exercise to Help Your Life

 (A partial repost from 2020) 

I just booked an appointment with my therapist. My psychotherapist that is. I'm not afraid to admit I sometimes use one because the process is helpful. (And my medical coverage pays for most of it.)

I believe it's important to take care of our mind, body, and soul. My counselor will be my safe person to confide in.

Galatians 6:2 ESV  

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

I'm doing well, but have realized just how many stressors I'm still processing (2020). Stress and change are part of life but sometimes it mounts inside our body. I carry mine in my shoulders. Especially in the doldrums of winter I'd rather have the sweetness talked about here for myself:

Proverbs 27:9 ESV 
"...and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel."  

What I hope to Achieve

I don't know what I'll talk about with my therapist yet but I want her take on things. 

Proverbs 20:5 says, "The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of 

understanding will draw it out." 

She will draw out some of the deep water in my heart and analyze it. 

I want to neatly package my woes and register them with her. I want her input and suggestions, and to know if I'm processing all well or burying it. I want to leave her office better than when I arrived. 

There is a Bible verse that talks about being caught in the transgression of sin and that those who are spiritual should restore such. It's not so much sin I might be embracing, but a lesser way of living. (Although I was in a Bible study once where the book title was Worry is a Sin. Do you agree that worry is a sin?) 

I'm not suggesting my therapist will point out where I'm sinning, but I know from working with her, that she will help me see where I might be catastrophizing, holding onto a grudge or where I might be embracing wrong thinking instead of focusing on the good. And we need to focus on the good if we're to thrive.

A Therapeutic Exercise

An online friend who is a counselor gave me advice for  deciding how to spend my valuable one-hour session:

1. Draw a line across a page.
2. Above the line write what is going well.
3. Below the line, write what isn't going well, negative events, or stressors.
4. As you do this, pay attention to where pain comes up that could be addressed with your therapist.
   
   

What A Life Coach Might Do 

For an alternative from a life coaching perspective, we wouldn't look at the past so much (that's the role of therapy). A life coach would applaud what is going well and ask probing questions to help me see where I might want to take the what's working list next and what boundaries I might want to set. 

The above exercise can be done on your own. You can look at the list of what is going well and be grateful. You can ask yourself probing questions such as: Why am I worrying about this and not just giving it to God?  You can ask yourself what you might want to change, decrease, or ramp up.

If you do such an exercise, please share in the comments.