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Saturday, March 17, 2018

The Buttons We all Have


I wrote here about anger issues I recently needed to deal with. Theories on unravelling anger issues has been something I've been paying attention to lately.  

When Our Button Gets Pressed

A couple of speakers I listened to not so long ago pointed out that sometimes anger results when a button inside ourselves is pressed. This button may have nothing to do with the person who made us angry. They may not know anything about our button. The result is an over-reaction on our part. And if we're not careful, we might lash out at them, at others, or show a side of us we may wish we hadn't.

Say, for instance, I'm sensitive about my weight and you make a weigh-related comment to me. What you say may be true. It may be about you or something you've learned. But as you say it, my weight-sensitive button gets pressed. I feel you're directing your comment at me. I end up angered and hurt.

That's merely one example of a multitude of examples I could give. 

The point is, it is more constructive to recognize our button and to take ownership of it. We need to address our relationship to the button. We need to pass the test of filtering the issue. We need to learn how to not let what's been said take us down. 

When you feel your button has been pressed, take that as a sign God himself is allowing you to be tested. Ask him to help you and ask yourself what you need to deal with. 




Monday, March 12, 2018

Going Through Transition

I've spent a full year helping my 93 yr old mother-in-law downsize, declutter, pack, sort, and shop. I've stored her items and moved other things. I've been her advocate while also seeking to lift her spirits with visits while in 2 hospitals, a rehab center and a long-term care home. Of course, her sons and their wives helped, but since I live the closest, it became my project. 

She passed away a week ago and her funeral was yesterday. 

As the dust settles, I know I'm out of a job. It's over. 

I sense a time to switch gears--to focus on my own family, home and career. Thoughts flood my mind about what I might do next.



I realize to jump ahead too quickly, though, would restrict myself and the greater good God has planned. I like how he surprised me with this recent assignment.

I backed away from some paid writing to be free to do this.

I couldn't know how long this phase would last. I needed wisdom to navigate it.

Helping her and mingling with professionals and other elders allowed me to experience a new sense of ministry.  

Ministry

I learned that ministry means helping others as Jesus might. As I gave her a cup of cold water the day before she passed, I sensed I was being Jesus to her. And that felt fulfilling in an odd way. 

I now wonder if I should change career direction and become a caregiver of some sort. 

Moods 

When going through a phase as I just did, including the days between her passing and funeral, strange moods arose--in myself, my husband, and those around us. We said things we shouldn't have said. Our tongues got looser. We gave ourselves permission to swear. Our minds were fuzzy and confused. We lost track of time. 

Fortunately, God gave me grace to get through this long year of transition and the funeral.



Side Effects

But while I sense it's now time to move on, I also know I need a pause. Though I've been pacing myself, in many ways I've been overtaxed. I need to unwind and decompress. I need to get back into my rhythm of hearing from God. I need to discern what to let go of and what to allow. I need to re tame my tongue, thoughts, and moods. 

Do you ever feel that way? How do you do that?





What Now?

I know I need to decompress. I need to let go of all the pent up frustration not just from recent events, but from years of being daughter-in-law. 

I need to creatively unravel my feelings. 

I need to find healthy ways to let some things go. 

I need to get rid of the martyr syndrome I'm being tempted to fall prey to since a couple of insulting things happened that made me feel unappreciated. 

I need to let my adrenals, mind, and routine shift back into balance. 

I need to set boundaries. I may put up a sign that says, "I'm Done!" 

I may say no to the garage sale idea for disbursing her stuff.

I may stop helping and let her sons take care of the rest. 

I need to find my centre. 

I need to feel balanced.

I need to rid my mind of resentment.

I need cleansing from being around toxic people.

I need God's peace.

As I address all this, I will trust God to reveal my next assignment at the right time.

Saturday, March 03, 2018

More on Completing Assignments


Since posting about completing your assignments, a reader has shared that she is looking back at last year's calendar and reading through last year's journal to analyze what God was saying to her then. I suppose she wants to complete all the assignments God has given her that aren't obvious. 

Tucked away in the pages of a journal may be treasures. Little hints of things God has in mind for her. 

Do you keep a journal and calendar system? If so, a review can be enlightening. You may see your wild ideas and have a better sense now whether they are for today, another time, or to be scratched off the list completely.

If you are in a PAUSE where there seems to be no forward movement, look at what else you need to finish. 

Right now, before moving onto new things, I'm finishing a season of helping my mother-in-law pass from this life to the next. I'm growing weary, but death and frustration have no time schedule. I must finish this taxing assignment before adding to my daily routine.

How about you?