|A rose bush is both beautiful and full of thorns. - Photo Rosalie Garde 2014|
Today's women are smart and savvy. They want to be on top of their game. They want to have meaningful work, a healthy marriage, to be able to manage their moods, and so on. So how can they be the person they want to be?
Just as the rose bush pictured above, beautiful blooms and thorns can co-exist.
When you get your skin too close to a thorn, it can shred your skin and draw blood. It hurts and requires first aid.
Any wise gardener puts on gloves. But there are differences in gloves too. The thin and flimsy ones only partially protect. Good leather gloves, on the other hand, insulate the skin. They allow a gardener to care for the blooms and successfully avoid the damage of the thorns.
If we compare thorns to moods--whether your spouse's mood, your co-worker's mood, or your own--it makes sense you should insulate yourself. Being moody isn't a sign of weakness, it's part of life.
Many things affect our moods: For instance, our mood can fluctuate based on our energy level, or our expectations of our spouse or children who seem to leave most of the chores for us.
Our moods can change after receiving scathing words from a co-worker, friend or relative. Our moods can change due to hormonal cycles. Those with chronic pain have a huge challenge regarding their moods.
When a husband comes home from work stressed, he might take his frustration out on the woman he loves because he believes he's in a safe place to do so. But if a woman isn't equipped, she can take his frustration personally and division occurs.
Many women use venting as a way to decompress. But a husband may not enjoy being at the tail end of her vents. He may not understand the therapeutic nature of venting and he may take it personally. As a result, there can be division.
To keep life in balance, most women need a few good tools that will help them navigate issues such as managing their moods. Using these tools is similar to putting on good leather gloves prior to gardening.
Choose Your Tools
Having a life coach to call or email may be helpful for a woman in need of decompression. She can vent to her life coach all she wants.
Having a good friend to vent to might be equally helpful. But it's hard to know how trustworthy your friend may be. Would she leak information? Would she get tired of hearing your rants?
Hiring a long distance life coach may be a good answer. You'll have someone not too close to your life to vent to. She will keep things confidential. You will decompress and hopefully move forward with a new outlook after your session.
While I'm not taking phone clients right now, you can ask to be on a waiting list. email or leave a comment for information. What I hope to give you in the meantime is a tool or two.
Today's tools: Separate your husband's vent so you don't take it personally. Let him vent without it becoming an argument. Validate him. Do what you can to be his safe place to fall. If his words seem abusive and targeted at you, leave the room. Don't engage until he has time to settle down.
Separate your own issues from your relationship. Ask yourself why you feel as you do? Is it really that he doesn't pitch in or is it that you want to be a control freak? How important is your issue in the bigger picture? Ask yourself what the worst is that can happen if things don't go your way?
Consider writing your thoughts in a journal and employing self-care until you find the calm you crave.
If this is helpful to you, please leave a comment below.