This is a followup to my last post on Invisible Illness and God's goodness.
Based on a collection, over time, of my physical response to fatigue, compared to many others, I'm in the mild category of chronic fatigue. That means I have many good days, but if I over-do it physcially or mentally, I may fall into Post Exertional Malaise (PEM). Ongoing PEM moves me into the moderate category.
My PEM often arrives 12 to 24 hours after I've overdone something and lasts for a day or two. That something could include yardwork, housework, an exhausting social encounter, working out too hard at my exercise class, or a combination of such.
When in a bad bout of PEM, I find simple tasks such as making dinner, changing a bed, folding towels, sitting to write, and so on, taxing. The answer is to pace myself and plan for rests and recovery.
Mind Management
When I found myself missing church due to PEM I felt some guilt. I wondered if i was making excuses for not going to church. Then a gentleman on a CFS forum said, perhaps God says resting in bed, for you, is a form of worship. Imagine that!
Once he said that, I enjoyed curling up in bed with my mind focused on God's peace instead of guilt.
I do want to go on enjoying life as all women do with invisible illness. On good days, I sometimes tell myself I made it all up. I don't have CFS.
But then I have a funk again. I MUST count on the Lord to guide me. And, my part, is to dedicate myself to trusting God enough that I choose to listen for his nudges instead of quickly making decisions on my own.
MY TESTS
We are hosting a backyard party this weekend. I know the important thing is to have energy to greet guests and allow them a good time, but I have a tendancy to over-clean both the outdoor gardens and the indoors and fancy things up. And now, that kind of work is exhausting.
Planning this gathering seems to be a test. I sense God is suggesting these areas of testing:
- Stress management. Will I resist overdoing everything?
- Pacing. Will I sit down and rest when He tells me to, or will I keep moving and use up my energy?
- Asking Him for help. Will I say even quick prayers to ask him for help with areas I am tempted to worry about?
- Creativity. I'm keenly aware of how creative God is. Instead of moving ahead with my crazy ideas, will I pause and ask if the crazy idea is from him or simply one more thing that uses up my energy. (Think of adding golf cups to some artificial turf we have to make it a putting green.)
Proverbs 17 says, “Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart.”
Why would he test me? What about my heart is being tested in this health challenge? What about hosting a party am I being tested with?
I believe He wants me to learn a new way of living that causes me to rely more on him for every little detail. He wants it to work out. He doesn't plan for my disaster. He wants me to practice pacing myself. And if I do it right this time, I will have proven I can do it again.
Don't we all want God to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant?" As a response to listening for his nudges and following through with them?
“His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’” Matthew 25:23
Benefits of Tests
God’s testing with invisible illness is an invitation to do life with more ease as I choose to slow down. Tests are opportunities for growth and a more intimate relationship with God, and ultimately character development.
With any test or health situation you're facing, remember: God understands your limitations and loves you regardless of how much you do, how often you pitch in to help others, how clean your home is, and how often you physically attend church.
Maintaining your faith walk can look different at different stages of life, and that's okay. What matters is your heart and your intention. So be kind to yourself and rely on the Lord for strength. Jesus invites us to bring our burdens to Him and find rest in Him. I love that.
Matthew 11:28: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
