A New Season, A New Blog

I'm excited to announce the launch of yet another blog! 

I considered adding the new posts here to save time, but after some prayer and a timely email I received, I felt led to create a dedicated space on a new Blogger platform. This new blog dives into the growing conversation around the deconstruction of Christian faith. If you're curious about why church pews are becoming emptier, why your own desire to attend church in person might be fading, or what others are doing in response, I invite you to tune in and explore these topics with me.

The new blog is here

Reporting on Visitor's Stats and Thank You to Readers

Ruthven

Before I write a new post on a new theme, I thought I'd pause to say thank you to all who have visited this blog. I've kept it up because it still gets 'views'. And, it's a great place for me to express myself. 

Here are the latests stats. And this is only from 2011. (I started this blog around 2008 and rebooted it in 2011.)

Back in the early days, I had access to more analytics Blogger offered with the simple click of a link. I was able to see what visitors had typed into the search bar to arrive here. I was able to see what part of the world visitors were from. That gave me insight into what topics to study and write on. But as blogger evolved, the tool was changed and tracking analytics became complicated. So now, I can only guess how visitors arrived here and from where. 

The world has become self-serve. The makers of these apps seem to assume everyone is a tech guru. I'm just not that interested in learning more technical stuff these days! So I will enjoy what I do have access to and understand and pray no more big changes are made to Blogger. 

I've seen this blog grow and evolve since 2008 as I've ploded along on my own evolving faith journey. The journey of writing posts has been a rewarding one--my own little place on the Internet where I can attempt to encourage women. My hidde ministry.

I've had seasons of not adding to the blog. The pandemic was part of that. The special project I got involved with in 2021 was part of that. The brain fog from #CFS has added to it. I've contemplated packing it up. I've asked God for insight. The fact that the blog still gets views after all this time is a reminder of why I continue. 

It’s not just the numbers I'm grateful for, I'm grateful for the personal space it offers me to reflect and express myself and to share about the new things I've learned.

Your support means a lot and has kept me going! 

Navigating Faith and Fatigue: Trusting God Through Tests

This is a followup to my last post on Invisible Illness and God's goodness. 

Based on tracking my symptoms over time—and comparing my experience with established guidelines—I fall into the mild category of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS). I have many good days. But when I overextend myself, physically or mentally, I can trigger Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM). If PEM becomes ongoing, my functioning can temporarily shift into what would be considered a moderate level.

For me, PEM often appears 12 to 24 hours after I’ve pushed beyond my limits and may last a day or two. The trigger isn’t always dramatic. It can be yardwork, housework, an intense social interaction, pushing too hard in an exercise class, or simply a combination of smaller efforts that add up.

During a significant bout of PEM, even ordinary tasks—making dinner, changing the bed, folding laundry, sitting down to write—can feel disproportionately difficult. The way forward is not to push through, but to pace myself: to plan margins, build in rest, and allow space for recovery before a crash comes. 

I've been noticing lately, though, there isn't one standard rule. I might have overdone something 12 hours in the past triggering my fatigue, but that might be added on to several new things that add to my konking out. Scrolling the Internet, for instance, can be very fatiguing. Recovering from an injury is a hidden activity that causes physical stress. 

Mind Management 

When I found myself missing church due to PEM I felt some guilt. I wondered if i was making excuses for not going to church. Then a gentleman on a CFS forum said, perhaps God says resting in bed, for you, is a form of worship. Imagine that! 

Once he said that, I enjoyed curling up in bed with my mind focused on God's peace instead of guilt. 

I do want to go on enjoying life as all women do with invisible illness. On good days, I sometimes tell myself I made it all up. I don't have CFS. 

But then I have a funk again. I MUST count on the Lord to guide me. And, my part, is to dedicate myself to trusting God enough that I choose to listen for his nudges instead of quickly making decisions on my own.

MY TESTS

We are hosting a backyard party this weekend. I know the important thing is to have energy to greet guests and allow them a good time, but I have a tendancy to over-clean both the outdoor gardens and the indoors and fancy things up. And now, that kind of work is exhausting.

Planning this gathering seems to be a test. I sense God is suggesting these areas of testing:

• Managing stress. Will I resist overdoing everything? 
• Pacing. Will I sit down and rest when He tells me to, or will I keep moving and use up my energy?
• Asking Him for help. Will I say even quick prayers to ask him for help with areas I am tempted to worry about?
• Staying Creative. I'm keenly aware of how creative God is. Instead of moving ahead with my crazy ideas, will I pause and ask if the crazy idea is from him or simply one more thing that uses up my energy. (Think of adding golf cups to some artificial turf we have to make a putting green.)

Proverbs 17 says, “Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart.”

Why would he test me? What about my heart is being tested in this health challenge? What about hosting a party am I being tested with?

I believe He wants me to learn a new way of living that causes me to rely more on him for every little detail. He wants it to work out. He doesn't plan for my disaster. He wants me to practice pacing myself. And if I do it right this time, I will have proven I can do it again.

Don't we all want God to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant?" As a response to listening for his nudges and following through with them?

“His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’” Matthew 25:23

Benefits of Tests

God’s testing with invisible illness is an invitation to do life with more ease as I choose to slow down. Tests are opportunities for growth and a more intimate relationship with God, and ultimately character development.

With any test or health situation you're facing, remember: God understands your limitations and loves you regardless of how much you do, how often you pitch in to help others, how clean your home is, and how often you physically attend church.

Maintaining your faith walk can look different at different stages of life, and that's okay. What matters is your heart and your intention. So be kind to yourself and rely on the Lord for strength. Jesus invites us to bring our burdens to Him and find rest in Him. I love that. 

Matthew 11:28: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” 

A Unique Spiritual Practice

 Taking Steps out of Hibernation

For much of the fall and winter, I'd been in a season of rest. Have you too? 

Last September, I heard God nudge me to embrace this concept of rest and I came up with the acronym 'Rebel' as noted in the photo. 

Be a REBEL - to rest, recover, restore, and just be (for a season).

Breakdown of what 'Be a Rebel' means.

Amidst the resting (and I did a lot of that), I created more art, used my new stretching table at home for exercise, visited social media regularly, learned more about gardening and art, and decluttered various areas of my home. 

Grief and Needs

Through this time, God taught me a lot about pacing myself, being patient, and helped me identify the role grief and unmet needs were playing. See this blog post for more on that. 

As I desired to step out more with the turn of the calendar, I invested in a new self-care habit. My massage therapist installed an infrared sauna in her salon. (It was an idea I'd suggested to her.) Coinciding with my church's New Year's prayer and fasting suggestion, I decided I would use the sauna for prayer and self-care. And, I hoped it would bounce me out of some Season Affective Disorder I felt after the Christmas season. (Especially since we are no longer gathering with extended family and had been home much of the time.)

The results were immediate where my depression was concerned. And, the prayer practice was eye-opening. I learned how easily distracted I get. I saw I might have ADHD even. And so, I disciplined myself to have a silent sit with God for the full sauna time. It was great. And I felt spiritually renewed after too. 

No, we don't have to go into a sauna to pray. Prayer and meditation can be done in many places. But I like the therapeutic benefits sauna gives me too. It's a time for just me to get away out of the house. 

 

Is it Grief, or is it Unmet Needs?

 

Last year's sedum and petunias 
in my garden

ON GRIEF:

Posted by "Mindful Christianity"

In one of my ebooks, I mentioned grief. I emphasized we grieve many things throughout life, events as simple as dropping a delicious sandwich on the floor by mistake. The grief, in that case, is momentary. And then there is more long-term grief due to the loss of a loved one or a beloved pet. 

Today, I'm delving into the topic of grief, drawing from my own experiences with it over the past seven years. Through introspection and writing, I find clarity and understanding amidst the tumult of emotions that come and go. My hope is that by sharing my journey, it may resonate with you as a reader, offering insights and comfort along the way

Multifaceted Grief Experiences

Grief is a multifaceted journey, weaving through the fabric of our lives in various forms. In 2018, we lost my husband's mom. It's not so much the loss that bothers me since she was in her 90s, it is remembering the difficult details we walked through with her in her last couple of years of life. Now, we grieve the loss of family gatherings as we once knew them with 'gran'.

In 2019, I lost my beloved dog of fourteen years. We walked through stress prior to her final day as well. I was the main dog walker so now I grieve the memories of our many walks together.

Then, in 2020, I lost my mom. Also, in her 90s and still living in her home of 55 years, her body finally gave out due to heart failure. She was lucid, upright, but ready to go as catching her breath was becoming more difficult. We grieve the loss of this grandma too, and now both my husband and I are orphans with no living parent.

Pandemic Grief

Another form of grief the entire world faced has to do with the changes that occurred during the Covid-19 pandemic. For some, jobs vanished, businesses shuttered, and the normalcy and relationships we clung to dissipated like smoke. I don't know about you, but I haven't fully rebounded yet.

The Grief of Transition

Then there's the grief of transition—the bittersweet farewell to a career at retirement age realizing that opportunities for new beginnings wane as the years advance and jobs are given to the younger set or ended due to technology takeovers.

Children leaving the nest heralds a different sort of loss, a nostalgia for the bustling energy of family life we once knew.

I've traversed through a myriad of these upheavals in the past seven years, each one carving its own notch in my heart. Coupled with the natural ebb of dopamine that comes with age, life can feel like a shadow of its former vibrant self. At least, it has for me. And I'm taking small steps forward to shake it.

Plodding Through

Amidst the melancholy, though, glimmers of solace emerge. For instance, I had prayed for months for guidance on finding a new fitness group to join. I spent hours searching online for a suitable program. Finally, the end of February 2024, God answered that prayer. My new exercise classes, with mostly older men and women, have been a lifeline and shining light in my journey.

Watching favourite TV shows, planting flowers seeds indoors, and indulging in art projects has provided respite over the wintertime for me. But alas, I still feel restless which led me to consider if more than grief is going on.

Restless Feelings

As I've worked on this post, I've uncovered a pretty significant reason for my restlessness. It has to do with lacking significant connection and having unmet needs.

In grief we sometimes isolate. The pandemic forced us to isolate. As a result, many of us lost contact with our people. We are having to rebuild connection. And that's nothing new because all through life we have to rebuild.

I've not only uncovered my own unmet longings for connection, but also for meaning and fulfillment. My paid writing gigs slowed during the pandemic and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) often contributed to brain fog so I decided to call myself semi-retired and step away from pursuing work.

I hoped adopting that title would take the pressure off, but adding on a significant birthday marker has done a bit of a job on me. I'm trying to enjoy myself, rest, and relax, but I still crave ways to be useful.

An Epiphany about Needs 

Working on this post has led to a great epiphany for me personally. I am aware of how essential it is I acknowledge and validate both unresolved grief and unmet longings. They are both valid and deserving of attention and support.

Google Images

In high school sociology class I learned of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (pictured above). It's not as though I've been unaware of the importance of having these needs met. But I know all too well, they often aren't met. For myself, an introvert and melancholic, meeting them is like trying to keep balloons in the air.

Having been trained as a Christian Life Purpose Coach®, I am intimately familiar with the profound yearnings women harbour for a sense of purpose and the deep desire to witness tangible outcomes from the expression of their passions. We yearn for a holistic sense of well-being encompassing our body, mind, and soul no matter our age or life stage. The needs are many.

Goals Toward Wholeness

Through my research, I was able to construct a list of needs I'd like to have addressed even as I process grief. My list includes these:

• Affirmation
• A Feeling of Community
• A Sense Connection and Belonging
• Being Noticed
• Being Understood
• Fulfillment
• Gratitude
• Joy
• Love
• Meaningful Activities
• Meaningful Conversation
• Purpose: Contributing to Something Larger than Self
• Recognition
• Significance
• Spiritual fulfillment
• Wholeness

What can I do with this list?

What can you do with this list?

The above can become a prayer list. 

The above list can become an action list.

The above list can become a values filter for making future decisions. 

Holding on to Hope and Faith

I hold onto the hope that with the thaw of winter's chill and the bloom of spring, my spirits will lift especially as I take one step at a time as God opens my path.

Longings for connection, purpose, and all those items on the above list represent fundamental human needs that make up our very SOUL. And when our SOUL is healthy, we have peace and joy.

And when our needs go unfulfilled, we can feel lonely, dissatisfied, and sad--feelings that mimic grief.

The journey toward finding solutions takes time, patience and self-compassion. First comes awareness, then comes a journey of taking steps no matter how small.

Will you go on such a journey too?

Remember to ask God to lead the way. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and be kind to yourself during moments of difficulty or setbacks (which there are sure to be). Your well-being is worth the investment!

Do You Get Caught Up in the Game of False Guilt?

Do you find yourself often saying "I need to . . . " or "I should..."  (fill in the blank).

We have many needs. Some are real. We need housing, food, water, clothing. We also need relationships, wisdom, and balanced mental health. We need exercise, to clean our home, and to buy groceries.

Other needs are fabrications; you see a TV show and you covet what the actors are doing and their fictitious relationships. You read online articles about others and wish for their life. You scroll Facebook and start comparing yourself to others.

It's important to live in reality--in the purpose God made you for--and to recognize fantasy, coveting, and worldly voices when you come across them. 

When you say "I should..." that's another example of being tempted into a life other than God has planned for you. It's like living under a harsh taskmaster. The word "should" is a control word when used against others. When you say he or she or you should be doing... it implies that you think you know what another person should be doing or that you're not doing enough.

Put your should in check. 

God is graceful, gentle, peaceful, and doesn't care about half the things you think you or another person should be doing. God can nudge you or another person with the plan of action he has in mind and speak directly to you or them. Are you patient to wait for him to do that? 

It's easy to fall into a mindset of guilt and pressure, criticizing yourself for not doing more, not eating better, not getting enough done in a day, and so on. No, we aren't to be lazy or inactive. Faith without works is dead. But acting in faith over force is much better.  

Choose peace, pacing, and gentleness as you go through your day. Put down false guilt, and don't throw false guilt onto those around you.  

The Half-Life Reflection

I've been following some interesting stories on Twitter X where victims of abuse are finally telling their stories. There is no timeline as to when a person becomes triggered by a past experience or sees a need to share their story. There is no timeline for when a memory returns.

Often, a person sees a why for telling their story. They feel sharing the details will help them release the final remnants of the memory. Something in them wants others to know what they went through. And I agree with this as I have felt that way at times as well. I also agree with the idea that memories can fade to trick us over time. So we must be careful in the story we tell.

Some of the events being shared on Twitter happened years ago. At the time, with no social media to broadcast on, individuals handled life alone unable to pay the cost of therapy or unable to get past the stigma attached to "seeing a shrink". Or, they did not fully understand the issue then, but gained clarity later in life.

As for social media--in some cases, it didn't exist at the time of a person's trauma. Now it is our community centre.

*The World Wide Web became available April 30, 1993
*Google was founded on September 4, 1998
*Facebook was created February 4, 2004
*Twitter was created in March 2006

A story told now that is 20, 30, or even 40 years old is not any less vital to tell than one that just occurred. Or do you disagree?

An acquaintance of mine is sharing her story on this blog and in a memoir she wrote a couple of years ago. Perhaps you will support her by reading her story.

What story do you have to tell? Have you written your story into a blog or ebook? Have you shared it on social media or with a professional therapist? Is it time to share those details?

Time to Change Some Habits or Routines?

We do many things in life out of habit or routine. Some routines are good for us. They provide context and stability. Others need to change based on life phase. 

During different seasons, I have varying habits and routines. I set different rules for myself in winter than in summer. I have different rules for myself when doing paid projects with deadlines than I have now in semi-retirement. 

Some habits have to do with our mindset in that we default to a certain way of thinking. We can think in black and white instead of grey. We might default to saying no too often, to thinking why we can't do something, to making excuses, and more. It is important to keep our thoughts in check to see if they are serving us in the best way possible. 

 

Christian women want to excel and do our best for God, our family, and mankind. Sometimes that means breaking old habits and mindsets and developing new ones. 

A Christian speaker I listen to shared that rather than focus on the old habit or routine, we should simply start a new one and the old one will be quickly pushed aside. That sounds like good advice! Is it doable?

Old habits do need a replacement habit if we're to truly break away and move forward. Old thoughts need to be dismissed in favour of more helpful, positive thoughts. 

Habit change requires:

1. recognizing which old habit, routine, or mindset it's time to change
2. recognizing a new habit to put in its place
3. recognizing what the new habit might do for us.
4. implementing the new habit gracefully and consistently with patience
5. realizing a shift will occur that may feel uncomfortable

 

Artwork by Rosalie Garde 

• Have you identified some habits to change? 
• Do you need to adopt some new ways of thinking? 
• Have you asked God if there are any new habits or routines he wants you to adopt?

What will you begin with?

Pace Yourself

Let me add, I've learned a lot in the last few years about my need to pace myself. I have chronic fatigue. I can't do what I could at 30. I believe in making choices that will serve me and not overwhelm me. I believe in sustainable changes. 

When making plans for change, do consider your personal time, energy level, and ability to sustain the new habit change. This is why life coaches like to use the term baby step. It's okay to take one small step at a time over plunging in to make quick habit changes.

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Examples of possible habit changes:

• Watch the time you spend on social media and limit it.
• Catch yourself when beginning to feel angry and reframe what is triggering you.
• Put items away after using them.
• Compliment people more often.
• Run your Roomba more often.
• Tidy your desk weekly.
• Pray before letting your mind get worked up.
• Put laundry away as it's done. 
• Quit second-guessing yourself. 
• Analyze what might be adding unnecessary stress to your life. 
• Incorporate mindfulness or meditation into your daily routine to reduce stress.
• Prioritize regular physical activity, even if it's just a short walk or some light stretching.
• Prioritize healthy sleep.
• Quit the constant search for better and be content and thankful for all you have.
• Pat yourself on the back more frequently.